letter? silent treatment? in person? What if that friend is manipulative,controlling,vengeful and your neighbor?
Here is what I did
1.Stopped all contact for a week
2.Got down on my knees and talked to God
3.Deleted my facebook..that's right....shocked the world with that one...
4.Wrote my break up letter and sent it..I told her I loved her,worried about her but the drama was too much.
5. I contacted friends that knew me and loved me. Friends I wanted to spend time with,that would laugh with me and fill my soul..
Actually, what I really wanted to do was send this from Ask a Bitch.....
I’m writing you, ‘cos frankly you leave me no other choice. You see, when I try to have a two-way conversation with you, there’s a 98% probability our discussion will morph into a one-way street. Odds are you’ll steamroll me with a stream of incessant babbling about your shitty job, shitty family and shitty boyfriend who gives you shitty orgasms. You’ll grace my psyche with a torrent of negativity, as if I’m a toxic dumping ground who just loves me some misery.
Not once will you ask how I am. If you do happen to check that I haven’t gone brain dead, it’s only to redirect the conversation back to you. If I call you on it, you’ll give me the silent treatment. Or better yet, play victim as if I’ve mortally wounded you. What’s frustrating is that you’re oblivious.
This is one flavor of toxic you serve up, and I came very close to acquiring a taste for it. My MO is to allow you to go on and on – even if I really feel like sewing your mouth shut. Rarely do I assert myself, and I hardly ever suggest you take responsibility for your own actions. Because, let’s get real – a good chunk of your unhappiness is self-perpetuated.
Here’s something trippy. Sometimes I feel responsible for your moods, and I walk on eggshells ‘cos I hate rocking the boat. Especially your boat.
I’m not sure how we became friends and wonder what I’m getting out of this relationship. I suppose there was a time when I thought I could change you, rescue you, please you. Maybe I wanted to avoid my own bad self or just felt sorry for you.
We became codependent. You needed someone to dump all those unpleasant thoughts and emotions on, ‘cos it’s scary to hold them on your own. I based my worth on enduring and being needed. This too is toxic.
Maybe our pasts have something to do with it, but I want out. Out of this ass backwards way of being “friends” to each other. And don’t you? I mean, think of it. We use each other, which doesn’t feel good. We both play victim, which is hands down disempowering.
A good friend would tell you these things and let the pieces fall where they will. So I’m trying being a good friend now. For once I’m being straight up. I’m taking responsibility for my share: for allowing myself to be a doormat, for not being truthful with you, for pretending everything was fine and then bitching about you to everyone under the sun.
And actually, taking responsibility doesn’t feel as crappy as I thought it would. So here’s the deal. Will you own up to your part? Will you do your own personal work? Will you quit blaming and acknowledge your demons? Will you see your own beauty? Is our friendship worth it? ‘Cos if it is, then I’m in. If not, then I’ll respectfully say goodbye and wish you well.
With love,
K.B.
Read more: http://life.bitchbuzz.com/an-open-letter-to-toxic-friends-everywhere.html#ixzz1Y7QWEZHG
